9:16 PM - Heartbreak

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just can't seem to find love and it's making my heart heavy. Hundreds of matches without plans for a date. Yeah, I've talked to a few guys, but nothing came out of it. I was ghosted a couple that I did like and it's so disheartening. Love is around me, yet I can't seem to find it. I don't want to find it but at the same time, I want to be loved. I want a companion. I want someone to hold me when I'm down and comfort me. I want a lifetime fling and I can't seem to find that. It's so freaking frustrating -- maybe I truly am ignoring all the right people and going for the ones who are bad for me. I just can't seem to stop looking for love. I really dislike that about myself. I was talking to this guy and we hit it off until...guess what? I was ghosted. It's been two days and he's been online. I broke it off with my penpal since things got awkward between us and I ended up admitting to a crush on him. I'm feeling really down about my romantic life; I think that I've truly given up on love.

9:30 PM - Out and About

This whole weekend, I went to a reproductive health leadership conference and I learned all about what it takes to be an effective leader and activist. I learned so much, and there's so much to debrief on, but I'm too tired to write it all out. Well, after the leadership conference, I went back to Fourth Ward and sat in the skate park's sitting area. I talked to a few of the skaters, and one asked my friend and I if we smoked (which we do not). I got two compliments and I was so awkward thanking them. I really wanna write more but I'm too tired to.