If youre here here from cringe dump, im sorry that i used to act like a tween lmao

May 7th, 2019

"Straight Up" by Paula Abdul is a bop idc

my man who isnt my man but is my man is so perfect omg....just YES sjsjs

on a serious note, a situation just happened where it reminded me to just be myself. to not give up my self worth for a man. to not backstab friends in an attempt to seem cool. to always cherish the persin person that i am. the situation didnt happen to me, but it's so sad how girls are so pressured to fit in. we are strong, ladies. we dont need to expose ourselves to uncomfortable situations because a man wants us to. any man who wants you only for your body isnt a man at all: he's a boy, a child who does not value the worth of a woman's spirit, resilience, and strength. we do not have to change ourselves to adhere to societal pressures. we are allowed to be goofy. we are allowed to be nerdy. we are allowed to have flaws. we are allowed to do anything that we want. we are strong.

in lieu of my body positivity blog, i feel compelled to start a mini blog, using my photography and html skill to highlight the beauty and diversity of women. i want to be a mentor to other younh girls...ill start doing that in college

Song of the Day: "Breathe" by Anna Nalick
May 6th, 2019

If a guy sings "Say Yes" by Elliott Smith to me, idc how horrible, im marrying him on the spot.

completed my AP Gov test. Feeling confident about it. should i study french or german with a political science degree. hmmm. At the college that I am going to, I get to study abroad for no additional cost. im so excited....i get my passport this summer. take that, barnard college oF COLUMBIA UNIVERSiTY!!!! (still love you though pls accept from the waitlist) The waiting list sucks, but studying abroad does not!

* Update*~: this guy sent me a < 3 in addition to his message and i had the N E R V E to dismiss it SJSJSJSJS. My self esteem is really tragic sometimes. i thought that it was an eboy trick or something im-. i feel like an imposter. this guy is literally so perfect, and not just looks-wise. we share the same political views which is a trait that i cherish in guys along with his taste in music and general aesthetic. he's talking in to me! me!!!! i know that my self image is distorted, but it dont feel like i deserve this??? theres plenty of other girls out there, yet here i am. i am here. he is there. me and him talk. i know that it may be friendly and doesnt mean anything, but it's cute idk to receive a heart from a guy teehee. im so stupid ughhh

May 5th, 2019

"Cant Get You Out of My Head" by Kylie Minogue. Enough said.

May 4th, 2019

i really hope that i didnt ruin a good thing. yeah, i like you but it just wont work out because im not in the mindside to have a relationship. so im trying to stop. be realistic. perspective, thanks professor tox. it's not you, it's me. why does my heart rate increase despite being over you. what. i really miss talking to you but i dont wanna relapse on my social media detox so i cant wait until the 28th comes. youre honestly so cool. why are you even talking to me? how did i get so lucky (wedding vow tingz lmao) hghhhh. our relation ship like that cake song, "never there" in certain ways lmao. not the "never there" part, but the "tAke the time to get to KnOW meEe" line. ughh i dislike this feeling sm. on the plus side, im using duolingo to become proficient in two languages. i hope that it works. gonna apply for some modeling agencies. really wanna live in nyc but im limited due to financial options. cant decide if music or college is right for me. dont wanna work a 9 to 5 job. as billy joel said, "im movin out". listening to more alternative music again like "Heart Shaped Box" by Nirvana, "Bodies" by Drowning Pool, and "Hurt" by Rapture.discovered the song "send the pain below" by chevelle, "beautiful", and "wasteland" by 10 years. loving "the distance" by cake! Watched a Kurtis Conner video. Someone in the comment section compared eboys to the scene guys of 2007 and i was *mindblown*. Granted, i like the middle part better than the swoop cut. i was on youtube watching eboy compilation videos and... I- the cringe was so bad omg. like, dang i thought still do that was attractive?? i like the style of dressing and aesthetic but not the whole "im not like other guys uwu i listen to steve lacy and nirvana" type beat. idk...theyre like a weird mix of 90s grunge, 00s emo, and mall goth which makes me so conflicted. who started this trend? why is so big now? i wanna sensitive, soft boi (IM- why did i say this sksks) who dresses like an eboy but i dont want the culture?? if that makes sense??

Song of the Day: "Miserable" by Lit

May 3rd, 2019

im feeling better now...like, way better. my head is clear and im actually excited!!!! i scheduled an appointment for a piercing that ive been wanting, am going to start medication for my anxiety, and received my prom invite today. my friends have been a huge support system, and i love them so much. im looking into transfer options since i dont want to stay at my current college for 4 years. im gonna apply to Barnard, Columbia (lmao), Mt Holyoke, Bryn Mawr, USC skskks NYU, and a few others that i missed last year. im also planning on starting a body positivity blog and will be accepting submissions!! just need a new computer

song of the day: "Sending my Love" by Zhane

April 30th, 2019

why did i do that....i was browsing twitter and came across some people that triggered my harsh perception of myself. literally feeling ugly because they are all so perfect and im not. my hair is unkempt. my eyebrows are unflattering to my face. i know that i should be grateful, but it's so hard to do so. im feeling sad at the moment. kept switching from happy to irritated at school. tried to fake my way into smiling, but it comes off as forced. ive been off instagram, but im still feeling empty. i miss talking to two people- my friend who lives in another state and a guy that i met. i hate to leave them, but i have to for my health. in good news, im moving to atlanta for college. i was invited to senior scholarship night, but im fearful of going. im setting an appointment with a pyschiatrist, and guess what? im thinking of studying abroad (maybe just even domestically idk) next time this year. maybe to africa, the UK, or something like that. cultural shock. i just wanna be myself again.

song of the day: "Angeles" by Elliott Smith

April 29th, 2019

He's a man

yet he's not mine

I will never be

the one that he sees

when he envisions beauty

because I

cannot be molded

into a subgenre that i dont belong to

isnt it sad

how in my earlier years

i would attempt to erase the markings

that make me the woman that i am

to please a man

who isnt worth


if i cant be myself

he texts me a heart

thinking that ill submit to his will

but not today

texted hearts cannot remedy

the dryness of communication

i cannot mold myself

into a subgenre that i dont belong to

i am worth more than my features

more than my exterior

more than the biological desires

of a man

and most importantly

more than the will of a boy

Song of the Day: "She" by Green Day

April 24th, 2019:

* Wow, my journal entries were reeeaalllyy cringe worthy sometimes. Geez, lmao. I have grown a lot in a year. I got accepted into the overnight program at Barnard and loved it. I got more into polaroid photography, skating, and I am almost finished with high school. Prom is comimg up, and the last day of school is in a month or so. I am taking my last AP test and am moving across the country for college. I received an A+ in Math (stats)... my worst subject for 3 quarters in a row, was accepted into some great colleges. I started to dress the way that I like more. Despite all of this, I still feel empty. I am quite anxious, self conscious, and sad a lot. I joke around so that nobody suspects anything. I have begun to experience more anxiety than ever, so much that I sometimes do not eat as a way to avoid the crowded lunch lines. I hate going outside if I am not looking my best, no matter how or who compliments me. I feel as if I am always second best....as Local H said it, "Born to be down". I am never going to find a boyfriend (prom alone, lolz) or even feel normal again. Here I am, journaling my feelings instead of keeping it in since middle school

Songs of the Day: "Love Scars 3" by Trippie Redd and "Bad Day" by Fuel

July 27th, 2018:

*You ever feel empty? Anxious? Sad? Like your life is going to waste and nobody seems to care because:

1.) It's not them

2.) They simply don't understand?

Well, that is me right now. Feeling empty. Anxious. Sad. Like everyone is conspiring against me and believes that I'm going to fail. Well, guess what? I'm starting to believe it, too.

Song of the Day: "Outside" by Staind.

June 19th, 2018:

* Hey, everyone! I can't update much as my computer isn't working, but I am doing well! School got out a few weeks ago, so it's time for me to study to get that thicc ACT score, do my summer homework, and complete my essays. My reach schools are Barnard College and UCLA because why not? Ugh, just thinking about it makes me nervous, but maybe I shouldn't be? Holistic review, right?

Trump is also holding illegal immigrant children in cages! CAGES!!1!1!! GOOD GRIEF, HE MUST BE STOPPED. Please, protest....sign a petition.. anything to help out these children. Thank you.

May 20th, 2018:

*~*~Wassup? I've been gone for a few weeks due to laziness lmao. So, I'm entering another "grunge" phase and I'm listening to alternative music from the 90s. I'm getting more into silverchair and found some good songs from them! ^-^ Geez, Daniel Johns in the 90s was a dreamBOAt! Ignore that, hehe. To check out my website that delves deeper into rok rock music and such, head on over Bye!


Song of the day: "Shade" by Silverchair

May 8th, 2018:

*~*~Hey booiiisss....just a quick update for today. I made a sub site dedicated towards my musical aspirations, particularly with a focus on women in music. The link is in my bio home page under 'sub blog' or something similar to that. Please, don't forget to leave a 'like' and subscribe check it out as it means a lot to me. Also, music reviews, opinions, etc. are welcome to be submitted by anyone, so leave a guestbook comment if interested! The link is for anyone who's interested. Bye!


Song of the day: "I Can't Stop Loving You" by KEM

May 7th, 2018:

*~*~Hello, long time...no chat type. I took my AP Pysch exam today and I'm hoping to get a 4 or a 5. Pray for me lmao. I've started working on college admissions stuff as I am applying to a fly-in program and really want to get it. It's highly selective, so the odds, sadly, are against me. I've decided to create another blog focusing on music entitled, 'BOR!', short for 'Black Girls Who Rock!' I looovee all types of music, but alternative music seems to be my true calling and there's barely any female and/or minority representation. It's simply a positive space for those involved. The link will be coming soon. It's time to study for APUSH now, so bye! :D


Song of the day: N/A

March 31st, 2018:

*~*~ Yeah, boiiiiii-it's Spring Break! So far, I haven't done anything spectacular, but I'm going on a trip next week (I think). I've been procrastinating on my homework bc it's a test on five units and I don't wanna waste my break doing such tedious work. Plus, there's another test on the Tuesday that we get back on and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Btw, I'm going to revamp this page as it's not to my liking.... I'm looking at old Angelfire pages for layout ideas lmao.

April 11th, 2018:

*~*~On the bus today, I was listening to "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World and just started thinking about the world that we live in. War, poverty, hatred ((sad)): ya know, the old cliches. Yet, we rarely seem to talk about the other issues when mentioning the problems of the world such as mental health, loneliness, isolation, a lack of altruism, etc. This world is a lonely place sometimes, and more than not, we are only in it for ourselves despite not being able to survive w/o others. It's kinda ironic in a way. There will never be world peace, because how can you establish what peace is w/o suffering? And ( I started with 'and' :| ) actually appreciate it?? Is world peace even possible, and what does it truly scope/mean??? I think that I'm being too prententious analytical into this.. Well, that's it for now.

Got some new film btw...might upload later :D

Song of the day:"Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World

March 31st, 2018:

*~*~ Yeah, boiiiiii-it's Spring Break! So far, I haven't done anything spectacular, but I'm going on a trip next week (I think). I've been procrastinating on my homework bc it's a test on five units and I don't wanna waste my break doing such tedious work. Plus, there's another test on the Tuesday that we get back on and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Btw, I'm going to revamp this page as it's not to my liking.... I'm looking at old Angelfire pages for layout ideas lmao.

Song of the day: "On My Mind" by Jorja Smith

March 20th, 2018:

*~*~In math class, a group of guys were making ebola jokes and I just ??? Like...why. They were never even cool in the first place lmao, but they're darn well not cool 3 years from then! They have the audacity to label me as uncool when they obsess over things that aren'teven cool like dead memes(although there's nothing wrong with using such, but dude.... I'm being hypocritical And you're about to be 18? My gosh.... On another note, Spring Break is coming out and I'm puuummmmppedd!:D I'm probably gonna surf the web (ew why did I say that) and play with Alexa. I don't trust her, ya know....

And I need new film ASAP D:

Song of the day: N/A (For once)

March 13th, 2018:

*~*~ Participated in the Student Walk-Out today in support of gun control. Felt so empowering and such. Around 100 people participated at my school, yet I believe that many just wanted to skip class which is distasteful to the movement. Either way, it was nice to show some support in honor of a good cause. I've been feeling so out of it lately. I want help, but no one has been listening. "Everyone has that"... is the old cliche, but it doesn't impair your LIFE. You don't experience the anxiety that I feel each day in simple situations. You don't hide out in rooms due to your fear of people...fear of embarassment and failure. You just don't GET IT!

I'm stuck in a hole with no solution whatsoever.


Song of the day: "Down With the Sickness" by Disturbed

March 6th, 2018:

*~*~ ...We had a safety presentation at school and I'm so sad that it's come to this. America, W A K E UP!! We are instilling our trust into an amendment that's centuries old. When will we learn? :/ .... I added "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam as my SOTD because it relates to the topic of interest. I don't want to go into details, but situations like the one highlighted in the song seems to be everyday news now, and it's sad. What was once an isolated event has spiraled into a national tragedy :(

Oh, no- I sound like those "baCk in MY dAy" ppl lol rip.

Good 'ol America. We love a patriotic nation!!!


Song of the day: "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam

March 5th, 2018:

*~*~ ...Haven't been feeling like myself lately. Went to get some advice, and I'm just so tired of living like this. Anxiety sucks, and I wish that it would just go away. In AP Pysch, ppl were trying to say that they had OCD or anxiety bc they didn't like people (which is INACCURATE!) or avoided certain fixations, therefore making me sad due to the trivilization featured in not only the class, but in society as well. Watched the Oscars, and it was quite a political funfest. I don't mind, but at the same time, it gets tiring. With that being said, celebrities should be able to speak their minds without ppl get hurt bc their views don't align with theirs. Free speech, right?

ACT prep is going well. I'm hoping for that extra thicc 30+...I need luck.


Song of the day: "Bound to the Floor" by Local H-Town

February 21st, 2018:

*~*~ Embarrassed myself in pysch class today. Five people were chosen to pick groups of ppl and of course, when you're chosen by them, you have to chose a person when your team is ready to be chosen again...if that makes sense. This girl who I barely know picked me after it was her team to pick. When it came my turn, the teacher called my name and I wasn't ready to chose someone to join our group. I didn't know who to pick because:

1.) I don't know anyone in that class (majority consists of seniors)

2.) I feel like ppl label me as weird bc I don't talk when it's related to number 1

So, I clumsily looked at my team for help choosing when the teacher then made a wise-cracking joke, made the class laugh @ me, and made me feel dumb bc I couldn't do a simple task of just choosing someone to join our team. I didn't want them to be mad bc I chose them if they wanted to go to another team :/ I'm not asking for pity, but I just wanted to rant. I hate anxiety so much, man...maybe neopets will cheer me up.


Song of the day: "It's Been Awhile" by Staind (forgive me for this one lmao)

February 20th, 2018:

*~*~ Went and saw Black Panther, and honestly, the movie lives up to the hype. I loved what I saw, and it's incredible how, even a few decades ago, a movie of this caliber would only be considered a dream. Please, go see the movie- it's great. Truly honored to be alive at the same time of this movement. Wakanda Forever! Had a great looong weekend- longer than I expected, actually. At school, we're about to pick our classes and I'm sill stuck on AP Stats, AP Human Geography, or MRWC. I want a thicc, rigorous schedule but I'm not interest in AP Bio, Physics, or Chem ://

Song(s) of the day: "Runaway Train" by Soul Asylum & "Does Anybody Hear Her" by Casting Crowns

February 12th, 2018:

*~*~ In math class, someone called me an overachiever lmao....just bc I pay attention in class and know my stuff DOES NOT (I repeat, DOES NOT!!1!!1!) mean that I'm a teacher's pet. My gosh... Valentine's Day is coming up and my gosh, I have a love-hate relationship with it. Like....love is cool and all, but a whole day dedicated to it? Laughable. It's funny imo. Every day shoud be vAlentIneS dAY!! \:D/

Song of the day: "Starboy" by The Weeknd

February 6th, 2018:

*~*~ BREAKING NEWS: BEST BUY IS GOING TO STOP SELLING CDs? BUT YA KNOW WHO'S THE MADDEST OVER THIS??/ HUH??!!11 IT'S THE PEOPLE THAT DON'T EVEN buy cds in the first place -_- .... People aka mIlleNialS like myself who'd rather buy ten dollars a pop to "rent" a few songs on Spotify or whatever.... Is this the end of an era? Will cds essentially become obsolete like the cassette??? Oh, miLlenIals- always completing the trend that the generation before you started!

Song of the day: "Flying Without Wings" by Westlife

January 30th, 2018:

*~*~you know those ppl who you hang out with, but know deep down that they seem to have no social training??? Like....they say thinkgs w/o thinking if they're rude or not and butt into every conversation??? I have a friend like that and it's annoying bc ppl think that I approve/ act like/ don't mind her behavior. Like,,,, no. She's my only "friend" in the class lmao. C o n n e c t i o n s. I'm sad bc imma miss the blue moon or whatever its name is. I wanted to use my polaroid to snap a picture- how cool would that've been? :/

Song of the day: "One More Love Song" by Mac Demarco <33

January 29th, 2018:

*~*~ tHIS guy thought that it was so cool that I, a girl, played video games. I don't get the big deal, but okay I guess. It's more common than people think. GTA, COD, Battlefield...the list goes on- I love all of them and don't use my gender to my advantage or as a way to impress people. The Grammy's were pretty good. SZA and Kendrick were snubbed, but Kendrick still won a few awards. Bruno was at it...again :) . He had on his MJ shades lmao

Song of the day: "Turn my Swag On" by sOULja bOi lol<3

January 25th, 2018:

*~*~ So, in Timothy Chalamander's apology, he sorta lied about not being able to slander Woody Allen or his film. Disappointed, but not suprised. Someone from the inside released the tea lololol. *Busted*. I'm attepting to look for pre-tied bandanas but can't find any...oh, and bucket hats. I'm planning on buying the fuzzy ones as my signature look...ya know, when I'm f a m o u s. Aaliyah had bandanas, Michael had a glove.... I need an iconic thing that can easily be tied to my artistry. :,)...Been wanting a new hairstyle bc my current one is lame: there isn't one! I want to cut it either shoulder length or keep it straight with 90s styled twists on the top. idk...

Song of the day: "Movin' On" by Mya<3

January 17th, 2018:

*~*~ So, Timothee Chalamet spoke up about working with Woody Allen, and his response was perfectly crafted. He explained how he realized the importance of deciding not to work with problematic people in the industry even if it means skipping out on an opportunity to achieve fame. His response seemed sincere, and I hope that he stays true to his words. He also donated his salary to various causes in the pursuit of stopping sexual harrasment. Good boi. "Never There" by Cake is stuck in my head. It reminds me of my childhood, idk though. It's like one of those songs that you've heard while out and about but don't know the name of. I discovered it on a Now! That's What I Call blah blah blah.... Volume 2 or 3... I think. Oh, and omg...Finn Wolfhard reminds me of an early 2000s teen who would be in a band like The Strokes lol. I'm getting Julian Casablancas vibes. I sound like a fangirl lol rip, but seriously, his fans are wild and are like...10. I remember when I used to fangirl like that at 13. We don't talk about those days....

Song of the day: "Talking to Me" by Amerie <3

January 14th, 2018:

*~*~ Just had the craziest dream which felt so surreal. I was in a car with some family members and as we were driving to our destination, the whole world crumbles and essentially collaspes upon itself. We stayed in our same spot so we wouldn't be crushed by falling objects as the ground caved in, and sunk below us. We were buried for a few minutes, but managed to escape. The sky was a hazy, dirty brown color....devoid of any life. It resembled an actual event, and the scary part of that it felt so real. Our skin was covered with soot, and as we flew (wait, what? exactly) over the debris, signs of destruction became rampant. We reached a buidling in which nobody was in contact with their surroundings...like nothing happened. The soot that had covered our body was washed away with water, but the haunting dream still remains. Weird....*~*~

January 9th, 2018:

*~*~ So it rained today after a long wait period, and I'm super happy. I just can't wait to take a stroll in the rain, have a rainy movie day, go out for a rainy date, etc. Boi, rain, rain, r a i n. There's not much to u p d a t e on, but I still want to carry on the tradition of writing every often or so.... *~*~

January 5th, 2018:

*~*~ Welp, here I am again...doing what the cool kids do: blogGiNg!!111!! My polaroid experience is turning out to be f r u s t r a t i n g. I took a picture and it was completely blurry and I hated myself for wasting yet another shot. The impluse to take a picture is too tempting to deny, and as a budding photographer, I need to own up to my mistakes. Okay, that was a little exaggerated, but you get the point. School starts back soon, and I'm so neutral to it. The school year is on its downhill slope again, and idk whether to be excited or not. I need to complete my SAT prep, but I'm so unmotivated to do so. Anyways, there's no major updates for now. I'm just living like larry or whatever they say nowadays. Geez- I sound like an old geezer. Let the music play I guess....*~*~ December 31st, 2017:

*~*~*Hello to the two ppl who are reading this lol....This is my first journal entry, so I might as well make it worth it and talk abut New Year's Eve and the current year, 2017.
This year was so...meh. TV, movies, and the undeground music scene thrived. Music was music as always. My favorite song of the year? Gucci Gang ... I actually don't have one. SZA and Kendrick Lamar were the stand-outs of the year and give me faith in the corporate music industry. Some of my most played songs were by 311, Ne-Yo, Pepper (I believe) and a few others. I got into instant photography and I honestly dig the vintage-polaroid look that Impossible Project Polaroid Originals makes! I received a One-Step camera and I'm honestly in love. School-wise has been the same. I earned A's and B's and and starting to prep for the SAT and dive into the college search. I love NYU, but the tuition is offensive there lmao....This year has been average for me, but I'm thankful for my health. Queen of Vocals Mariah Carey is performing @ a New Year's parade tonight..hope she doesn't flop like last year... I hope that 2018 is a better year and that I get into my dream college in December. *~*~*
Happy New Year! :)